Understanding Teen Self-Harm: Debunking the Myth of Suicide and Exploring Coping Mechanisms
As a therapist and owner of Palm Beach Healing Institute, LLC, a group psychotherapy, with extensive experience working with teens and young adults, one of the most common issues we encounter is self-harm among the younger population. It’s a sensitive and often misunderstood topic, especially for parents, so it’s important to clarify a critical misconception: not all teens who self-harm are suicidal.
This myth can cloud our understanding of why a teen might engage in self-harming behaviors and, consequently, can influence the way we support them. It’s vital that we move beyond this misconception to better help individuals who are suffering with self harming behaviors better manage and ultimately overcome these behaviors.
The Connection Between Self-Harm and Suicide: Separating Fact from Fiction
First, let’s take a moment to distinguish between self-harm and suicidal behavior. While the two may appear similar on the surface, they are fundamentally different in intention and purpose. Self-harm, or non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), is when an individual intentionally injures themselves, typically without the intent to die. For many teens, this behavior is a way to cope with overwhelming emotions or numbness they may be experiencing.
On the other hand, suicide is a tragic and irreversible attempt to end one’s life. It is important to understand that not every instance of self-harm stems from suicidal intent. In fact, most teens who self-harm are not trying to end their lives, but are instead attempting to regain control, relieve emotional pain, or express feelings they don’t know how to articulate.
Why Do Teens Self-Harm?
Self-harm often begins as a maladaptive coping strategy. For many teens, it serves as a way to deal with intense emotions that feel unbearable. In today’s world, young people are facing unprecedented pressures—from academic demands to social challenges and the emotional turbulence that comes with adolescent years. Many of them struggle to find healthy outlets to express and process their emotions. This can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like self-harm.
The most common reasons teens engage in self-harm include:
Emotional Regulation: Many teens feel as though they can’t control their emotions, which can feel overwhelming. For instance, a teen may note feeling that even the slightest distress can cause their emotions to feel overwhelming and impossible to manage. Self-harming may provide temporary relief by releasing pent-up emotional tension.
Feeling Numb: For some, self-harm is a way to counteract feelings of emotional numbness or detachment. When nothing else seems to register emotionally, the physical pain of self-harm can make them feel more "alive" or grounded. Often, teens have noted that once they self-harm it feels like they have come back to reality.
Expressing Unspoken Pain: Teens may struggle with expressing their emotions or talking about their pain. Self-harm, in these cases, can be a way to communicate distress when words feel insufficient.
Self-Punishment: Teens with low self-esteem or feelings of guilt may use self-harm as a way of punishing themselves for perceived mistakes or shortcomings. Such as, not liking their physical appearance, performing poorly on a test, etc.
Seeking Control: Adolescence is a period of identity formation and can often feel like a time when things are out of control. For some teens, self-harm may be a way to regain a sense of power and control over their own bodies when other areas of their lives feel chaotic. Teens have suggested that at times it feels TOO MUCH with school, sports, friend issues, relationships, etc.
How Can We Support Teens Who Self-Harm?
It’s crucial to approach teens who engage in self-harming behaviors with empathy and understanding, rather than fear or judgment. The key is to offer support in a non-confrontational, non-judgmental way, and to help them develop healthier coping strategies. Here are some steps we can take:
Start the Conversation: One of the first things we can do is simply talk to the teen about what they’re going through. It’s important to listen without judgment and create a space where they feel safe to express their feelings. Approach the subject gently, with curiosity and compassion. Avoid punishment and asking the teen to promise not to self-harm again.
Recognize the Underlying Pain: Self-harm is often a symptom of deeper emotional or psychological struggles. By identifying the root causes—such as anxiety, depression, or trauma—we can begin to address the underlying issues and help the teen build healthier coping skills.
Encourage Healthier Coping Mechanisms: Work with the teen to identify alternative ways of coping with emotional pain. This could include creative expression (writing, art, music), physical activities (such as exercise or yoga), mindfulness practices, or talking to someone they trust.
Seek Professional Help: Self-harm is a serious issue, and often addictive for teens, that may require the expertise of a mental health professional. Therapy, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), has been shown to be effective in helping teens address the root causes of their self-harm and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Create a Supportive Environment: Whether at home, at school, or in the community, it’s important that the teen feels supported and understood. Encourage healthy communication, build strong support networks, and, when necessary, help the teen access a therapist who specializes in treating adolescents.
Breaking the Silence Around Self-Harm
Finally, it’s essential that we, as a society, work to break the stigma surrounding self-harm. By shifting the conversation to focus on understanding, support, and healing, we can create a space where teens feel safe seeking help without fear of judgment. It’s critical that we remember that self-harm is not a cry for attention or an indication that a teen is "weak"—it’s a response to deep emotional pain.
In conclusion, self-harm is a complex issue, but it’s one that can be addressed with the right support, understanding, and care. By debunking the myth that self-harm is always linked to suicide, we open the door for more compassionate and effective approaches to help teens manage their emotions and build resilience. Together, we can help adolescents and young adults navigate the challenges they are faced with and emerge stronger, healthier, and more equipped to cope with life’s ups and downs.
Dr. Jamie-Lee Conner, DSW LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker | Therapist Specializing in Teen and Young Adult Mental Health
For more insights and resources on supporting teens and young adults, please feel free to reach out to me, (561)389-9758.
